Sometimes it feels just like yesterday and some days, an eternity and two others’ lifetimes away. I was running late that Sunday morning. Remember, I was a single mom with four small kids ranging in age from 2 to 8 years old. We scurried into the church service trying not to be disruptive. I got the kids to their classroom and headed back take my seat. I started up the isle, slinked into the 4th row, put down my purse, took off my coat, looked up…and there he was. The moment I saw him I knew. Those aren’t words that just make for a good write. I FREAKING KNEW! He stood there in the front with a guitar at his waist and a microphone to his face. I watched as he opened his mouth and lipped words I couldn’t hear. Everything felt like slow motion. Finally, his words registered in my ears and he was telling of how God had sustained him when his wife left and took their daughter wit her. My next thought…at least he’s single”.
He led the music part of that morning’s service. He sang a song called “Holding Me”, one that he’d written while going through his separation. I am sure there was a teaching that morning and probably announcements and…hell, God may have shown up and “evacuated” the place and I would have missed it. There was an announcement that he and his band would be returning that night to lead the youth service. Quick recap, I am a 26 year old mother of four. And, now apparently I am in the youth group. Well that night I would be anyway. I lived 45 minutes from the church, and being a broke mom meant gas money was a big deal. That afternoon the kids and I stayed at my very best girlfriend in the whole world, My Barbara Darling’s house. I had been unusually quiet that day, totally absorbed in my fantasies about this man that I would soon marry. I told Barb that someone had gotten my attention. Fortunately for me, she happened to know him. I got the brief, but juicy details of his life; Ok, I found out this name was Michael and he had a child. That’s really it. That was more than enough, I was off to see him again.
This trip to the church I was on time, maybe even a bit early. My youngest son had fallen asleep in the car on the way. I took the awake kids to their class and lay my sleeping son on the couch in the back. I got myself together and made my way to the row of seats he was sitting in with his friends. I boldly sat my butt down right there just 4 seats away and tried not to fart or do anything else embarrassing. My nerves were so shot. I was getting married you know! I played it cool, real cool. You would be so impressed. I didn’t gawk or even give the impression I had noticed him at all. Though from my peripheral vision I saw him look at me, then lean to a friend and whisper in his ear. The friend, Greg, whom was related to Barb, looked down in my direction before whispering back. That was it, he’d asked about me, this meant…we were engaged!
They played their music. I enjoyed acting like a fool in the front row but the night was coming to a close. While he and the rest of the band were packing and wrapping up their cords, I was speaking from my seat, obviously saying something important and profound. I watched him work as I spoke and he nodded his head often as if in agreement. This was love…he was already prepared to know I was right and admit it openly. The man of my dreams!!! My sleeping child awakes, and the rest of them emerge from “Children’s Bible Story Land”. I am getting everyone’s coats on, packing up my purse and tying the last pair of shoelaces.
Cue the music this is a big deal folks
I am down on one knee, chatting with Greg, the one whose ear he’d whispered in and there, from the left side of my vision, I see him coming DIRECTLY at us. He stands right beside his friend, and stares at me. His friend keeps talking, I have NO IDEA about what, his voice faded into the distance as we shared a moment gazing deeply into each others eyes. I think an hour passed, but it was more likely only a minute or two. Whatever, time stood still in that moment and I have never forgotten it.
The next thing I remember is arriving home…* quick “home” definition * Becoming a single mom meant becoming nomadic. We were living at my uncle Willie’s house. It was our second home that year, the first was with my dad for a few months. Now, back to our story…I arrive home, get all the kids to bed…bed= blankets on the floor or a couch I ran into Willie’s room and screamed “I MET MY HUSBAND TONIGHT!!!” He asks me who he is, I tell him his name is Michael. He asks me what he is like, I pause nervously realizing I can’t answer this question. My response “Ummmm, I don’t know, I didn’t actually talk to him. BUT, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!” I am giddy as a school girl and I wanna sing on the rooftop. One might think all of my excitement and optimism would be contagious and have someone planning a bridal shower…but nooooooooooooooooooo all it got me was the nickname…CLEOPATRA, the queen of DENIAL. That’s shit!